Email Subject Line Horror

So I opened up the old email client and checked aound...among the usual "is now following you on Twitter" and "copyright infringements", there was one from iTunes. It was ominously titled only "Lady Gaga Says Thanks."

I immediately started to sweat. Admittedly, if it had said "Peter Gabriel Says Thanks" or "Steve Harris says thanks"- I wouldn't have given it a second thought. Heck, if it had said "Ke$ha says thanks" I would have been relieved because that would explain who's been rooting through my trash (and I blamed raccoons). But I'm not really a fan of Lady Gaga and I haven't downloaded any of her songs. The closest thing I have is the Eric Cartman rendition of Poker Face which, like anything Eric Cartman sings is at least 11 times better than the original. So you can understand that I get the chills when someone who wears meat (and doesn't, surprisingly claim to be a Viking berserker or an orc) says "thank you".

My first thought? Oh shit, she's gone beyond wearing meat and she now wants to wear human skin. And pre-emptively thank me for it. Admit it, in some corner of your psyche you've been afraid Lady Gaga wants to put a .30 slug through you, skin you and wear you as a man suit a la Buffalo Bill. And I get fed worms in some underground complex, being commanded to put the lotion on my skin until Jody Foster and Scott Glenn show up to rescue me. I think it's a legitimate and valid fear.

Anyway, it was just a stupid email subject line that I decided to exploit for comedy purposes. It was far more benign- just a badly titled form letter. The text advertised Apple's new Ping service:

"Lady GaGa found a new way to thank you. Britney Spears is doing yoga. Taylor Swift is hanging out at the Eiffel Tower with her brother. Follow your favorite pop artists and bands on Ping and comment on their posts, buy concert tickets, enjoy personal photos and videos, and more."

Well whoop de f***ing do. Apple, I cut you guys a lot of slack. I didn't say anything about the iPod's non-replaceable batteries. The slimline keyboards feel so insubstansial that I can't feel comfortable typing on them. But really? That's the most hilarious damn email headline I've ever seen. I know it's a form email but you guys could at least root through my iTunes history and replace "Lady Gaga" with...well something I've downloaded. Apple, I gave you the right to root through what I listen to so we can avoid faux pas like these.